Well friends in less than a month I will be boarding a plane to cross the Big Blue and will be stepping on foreign soil for the first time in my life. A lot has been going on since I last posted, not so much in big life events but my heart and mind have been reeling.
Most recently we had our final meeting and retreat with the team this past weekend. All of us swarmed to Terre Haute for the occasion and stayed, of course, at the classy Days Inn. It was a lot of fun getting to hang out with the team and spend some time casting vision and dreaming together about what God may do in and through our lives this summer.
One of my personal highlights of the weekend was when we went to the church Saturday night and listened to a visiting missionary couple. They are on furlough from their mission work in Egypt and took time out of their schedule to speak to a group made up of predominately college students. It was so refreshing and eye opening to hear them talk about their lives and what being overseas has looked like for them. They were so real and raw and honest with the "ugly side of missions". Something I believe is necessary for me to hear because often times I find myself romanticizing missions, thinking that it is a great heroic adventure filled with terrifying yet exciting events.
But what happens when the excitement wears off? That was the challenge put at me through these speakers and that is the main thought that has stuck with me since. I say with my mouth that I'm ready to give my life away on foreign land and leave a life of convenience and comfort behind me, but am I? Is that really the cry of my heart, the fire in my bones? Or is it a lofty idea that sounds good to impress those around me or a nice thought to put in a support update?
I'm reminded of a couple verses at the very end of the book of John. Jesus is getting ready to leave his disciples and return to the Father and these are the last few words to Peter. He had just finished giving more instruction to Peter and even told him how he was going to die. Peter seeing John coming up to Jesus and himself said to Jesus "Lord, what about this man? Jesus said to Peter, "If it is my will that he remain until I come, what is that to you? You follow me!" How often I am tempted to look from the left and to the right. I take my eyes off the joy that is set before me and take in my surroundings and look to those around me. I compare everything about me to everything I see in them. Just like Peter when things sound like they are going to be hard or scary or uncomfortable I look around and see someone else or something else and I say to the Lord, "What about them God?" Or, "why do I have to go alone, they get to go together but you're sending me by myself. " It is easy to say these things don't bother me but how deeply rooted sin is and how easy the heart is deceived. And the Lord says back to me, "What is it to you Kayla? This is between me and you. I didn't call you and them to follow me, I called you to follow me. Now follow me!"
Of course I will follow Him after all, I was lost without Him.
This isn't meant to paint a bleak picture, nor is it specifically pertaining to this summer. These are just some thoughts that I've been chewing around for a bit. God has so dearly blessed me with an awesome team whom I love already, and He has provided for me in more ways than I could ever imagine. But I know there will be tough times ahead and I pray that they come. I pray that God would bless me with such a glorious opportunity to share in His sufferings. Who knows what that would look like for me and my walk but God is faithful and He promises to be with me unto the end of the earth and all I have to do is follow Him.
