Well friends the reality of my trip is starting to sink in deeper. You may be wondering why now and all of a sudden. Could it be that in approximately nine weeks the CCP team will be boarding a plane to leave the country, for many it will be the first time? Could it be the excitement of another team meeting this coming weekend where we get to dream big together and bond as a team?
Or could it be the incandescent joy I have recently experienced via the Lord raising up my personal support after 3 months of letter and phone calls and meetings, and almost 5 weeks ahead of schedule!! (Psalm 89:1 “I will sing of the steadfast love of the Lord forever; with my mouth I will make known your faithfulness to all generations.)
As you know in order to participate in the Cross Cultural Project we personally have to raise $5500. That is $121,000 as a team! It is a long process that is humbling and sanctifying for many reasons. With this process come fears and anxieties I have not really experienced in my walk with God before.It tests the trust that I claim to put in the Lord.
When asked what my biggest fear is in raising support my answer was basic but toxic all the same; “What if God doesn’t raise my support because He doesn’t want me to go to South Africa” Of course I know the answers and the truth but I found that it was a truth that I did not really cling to nor held it close to my heart.
I would like to say that I battled these fears as a mature Christian would; that is by digging in His word for comfort, or by writing my thoughts out to God until my hand cramped, or by spending hours on my knees pleading with God for the peace which surpasses all understanding (Phil 4:7). There were so many things I could have done or actively pursued God during this trying season.
But I did not…at least not to the extent I could have or wished to now looking back. Though there are many things I could have done differently I would not go back and change one thing. Because there is no doubt in my mind that God is sovereign over it. It was a part of His plan, before the foundations of the world were set (Eph 1:4), for me to fumble my way through the process of raising support. He saw it best that I would be far more humbled this way rather if I had done all I “could”.
Oh how sweet it is now resting in the simple grace of knowing I could have done “better” yet also knowing ultimately it has nothing to do with what I do or don’t do. It’s God’s money and if he wants to raise it He will in His timing, not mine, and whatever the way he chooses is His best for me.
Now I am very excited to be able to help out my team with the extra support God decides to send my way. So please labor in prayer that I would be faithful; Faithful to the process, faithful to my team and the commitment to our goal, faithful to seeking out my Father who loved me first (1 Jn 4:19).
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